Yogurt Soda

Doogh.

It's more than just a funny word, that when said aloud makes you sound like you are clearing phlegm from your throat (which, coincidentally, is exactly how you pronounce it).

It just so happens to be my most favorite beverage.  

Even more than beer.

And it's not even alcoholic.  So yeah, I must reeeeeeeally like it.

Doogh is a Persian yogurt soda that is as traditional to the middle east as *insert stereotypical example*.

How did I come about to discover this drink?  As it so happens, both of my parents were born in Iran and migrated independently to the United States during the 60s, where they were doomed to meet each other as co-workers at the local delicatessen/convenience store.  

Next thing you know, they got married, had sex, and gave birth to me. 

Life is beautiful.

Any-hoo, though my parents and family are from Iran, we are actually not Iranians, but Armenians.  You may have heard of us through such things as the Armenian Genocide (over 1 million Armenians killed at the hands of the then Ottoman Empire in the early 1900s), System of a Down (over 20 million albums sold worldwide), and our people's most treasured jewel, Kim Kardashian (over 100 million ways an embarrassment).

But, seeing as how Iran was our, and many other Armenians, home, we have adopted many of their cultural tendencies, and luckily for us, that meant their food and drink.

A typical Persian spread.  .

If you have not had the pleasure of trying Persian food, give it a shot!  Chances are that you'll find it as mesmerizingly (I know that's not a word) delicious as I do.  Delicious kabobs, steaming piles of saffron and buttered rice, stews of pomegranate and walnuts, lamb and herbs, warm pita breads and tangy cheese, zesty bean salads, the list of tasty goes on.

And, not surprisingly, yogurt is a common side dish served with most meals.  

But back to the matter at hand.

Doogh is a mixture of yogurt, salt, mint, water, and either flat or carbonated water.  It is sour and salty and goes excellent with red meats, as the acids cut through the fat and refresh the pallet for another bite.

A popular brand of carbonated doogh.  

Yogurt's creation is thought to have come about by ancient peoples carrying raw milk around in animal stomachs (this was before the days of Camelbaks) in warm climates.  Milk is incubated at about 105-114 degrees to become yogurt, and that is just about the average temperatures found in the deserts in the middle east. So, giving way to nature, the milk would curdle and become yogurt due to the heat and the natural cultures found in milk.  

Not only would this natural fermentation sour and flavor the yogurt, but if trapped, it would carbonate.  And once mixed with mint and salt and water, BAM!  Doogh was birthed.

Sure, that summary couldn't have been more elementary, but I doubt I'm very far from how it actually happened.

What my point is is that you can naturally ferment your doogh drink by allowing the mixture of yogurt, mint, salt and still water to sit at warm temperatures (think the deserts of Iran) in an airtight container and the live cultures in the yogurt would begin to work their magic and not only further flavor the drink the traditional way, but also carbonate it!  

The trick would be to be aware of the pressure building inside and to refrigerate and slow fermentation before it all explodes, killing everything within a 25 yard radius.

Just kidding.

Or am I?

Anyway, feel free to try your hand at this fun, fizzy, refreshing desert drink!

Sexy Persian rapper wants you to make him doogh.

The recipe is simple and you can adjust it anyway you please.  

Start with equal parts yogurt (remember, use yogurt with live active cultures, not pasteurized!  It will say on the label) and water.  Mix and adjust to desired consistency.  Then add salt, mint and really whatever spices and herbs you want.  Bottle in an airtight container and leave at room temperature for a few days, checking frequently to see how the fermentation is going as far as pressure and color.  Use a plastic container so that in case of explosion, you wont have glass shards shooting into your face while you snoop around.

And, as always, if you open up the bottle after fermentation and you see mold, or it smells like Big Foot's dick, just throw away and try again.  It's not worth getting sick.

However, if you want to just forgo the wait and risk, just mix with carbonated water.  It may not be tradish, but it will still taste damn good.

Serve chilled over ice.

Cheers!

Or, as we Armenians say, Gehnatz!

Will The REAL Fermentation Blog Please Stand Up...?

Allow me to give you a reason to never visit my blog again.

Unless, you know, you were in the mood for half-assery and dick jokes.

I was inspired to start this blog of mine by quite possibly the most extensive online resource for all things fermentation, WildFermentation.com.  Through its friendly and informative posts, I have come to understand both what I know about fermentation as well as just how little "what I know" actually is.

Much, if not all, of the blog's content is generated by Sandor Katz, fermentation pioneer extraordinaire.  His passion for this ancient art shines through his complete coverage of practice's nutritional, flavor and self-fulfillment benefits.

Not only are there great resources for most fermentation processes, but applications that make my mouth salivate as my eyebrows go up in a "wtfuck really?" sort of way.  Peanut butter and kimche sandwiches, anyone?

It all serves to make the world seem like a better place.

So please, forget I ever started this blog, and head on over to wildfermentation.com.

Don't worry, I'll be fine here on my own.  I do things better when people aren't looking anyway.  That's why I don't have any lights in my room.

Anger and Food: the makings of a great blog.

Do you ever see someone doing something so well that instead of inspiring you to try, it makes you want to do nothing ever again, ever?

That's how I feel when I compare my attempts at "blogging" to my favorite blog in all the bloggity blig-blog bliggady world.

I mean, for godsake, look at how bland this all is.

A blind 5 year-old chimp with dyslexia while having a Top Fuel dragster doing a burnout on its FACE could come up with a more aesthetically pleasing design.

Mandy over at LadyandPups.com has accomplished more expression through her online site than I ever could if I had an army of writers locked in a room with nothing more than a hamster cage feeder full of meth and a typewriter.

From do-it-yourself ramens, caramel apple pie biscuits, hot sauces, ancient Chinese secrets, and puppies, she's got it going on.

Her culinary pictures also serve to arouse my culinary nether regions to unimaginable heights.  

And best of all?  You can feel her angst and anger coming through with every word, as if her passion for food is such as to make her, and me, want to scream "Goddammit!" and punch a baby in the face.

Give her work a look over, I guarantee you won't be disappointed.  

Abandon all hope ye who click here. 

Tesgüino: Mexico's Indigineous Corn Beer

"For them, beer is an elixir for healing, a barter item and a divine beverage." - John Burnett

I love beer.  But reading statements like the above make me wonder if the real potential effects of bubbly brews are lost on me. 

Then again, I'm just a spunky chump from Southern California.  Therefore, I squint towards the ancients for inspiration, while I to sip my way into oblivion.

The Tarahumara, or as they call themselves, Rarámuri ("those who run fast"), are an indigenous people of northwest Mexico.  Originally from what is now known as the state of Chihuahua, Spanish conquests of the 1600's forced them to retreat into the high plains of the Sierra Madre.  

Tarahumara men

I would love to go into the injustices that they have and do face to this day, but let me sum it up in a few words: people do shitty things to other people. 

Regardless of the trials and tribulations of these natives, they still know how to throw a party. And the star of this party?

Tesgüino.

Tesgüino is a fermented beverage made from North America's great crop, maize (corn).   According to anthropologists, over a third of the year is spent by the average Tarahumara member planning, preparing, and enjoying Tesgüino and it's after effects.  Not only is it used for payment, as in "Hey buddy, wanna help mow my lawn?  I got beer....", but Tesgüino is a crucial part of their religious and celebratory rituals.  Most of these rituals are accompanied with a Tesgüinadas,which,as the the name suggest, time spent getting getting blasted.  

I would definitely drink with these guys.

Tesgüino is seen as a "social lubricant", where the people can be freed of their "large souls" (adulthood) so that all that is left are "little souls" (childhood); this is their reasoning for why adults behave like children when drunk.  

I find this to be a more than satisfying explanation as to why I always end up pants-less after only a few drinks.

But I digress.

The Tarahumara see drunkenness as a spiritual state of healing and happiness.  Alcohol to them is both a means and a reason to get together with friends, socialize, and to celebrate being alive.  

I couldn't agree more.

So, exactly how is Tesgüino made?  Gather round, my fellow seekers of all things shit-faced, for I shall tell you.  

Thee.  

Thou.  

Whatever.

The traditional way to make this drink is to sprout maize kernels (check you local natural foods store or Mexican market.  Remember, its not just sweet corn kernels you can buy in a can.  This shit is hard, small, and dry) up to about an inch in length, which is really the most lengthy and laborious part of the process.  I got this procedure from Sandor Katz amazingly informative fermentation bible The Art of Fermentation.

Kernels be sproutin'

To be authentic, dig a hole in the earth where it will be exposed to sunlight, and line the bottom with grass, leaves, etc...The kernels are then laid down and covered with pine needles and allowed to sprout until about an inch in length.

Alternatively, you could sprout the kernels by soaking them in water for a day, then rinsing and draining a few times a day for about a week.

Once sprouted, grind the kernels into a paste and boil for anywhere from 8 hours to 24, adding water as needed.   This long cook time servers to caramelize the kernels and create a malty, sweet flavor.  So the longer cook time, the better.

Making brew the old fashioned way.

When it smells like where you would want it to be, strain out the chunks and cool the liquid, and transfer into a big ol' pot or bucket with an open top.

Now comes time for the yeast to shine.

The Tarahumara use wild-yeast in the air to ferment, and all in special fermenting pots they call ollas.  They never wash out these pots, so yeasty residues reside like cranky old folks within the pot walls and serve to pester each new batch with fermetation-y goodness.

You can try to capture wild yeast as well, or you can just use a packet of yeast or some other kind of stater culture.

Fermentation, the modern way

Either way, after this fermentation process, you can save some of the brew to kick-start your next batch.

The fermentation process is monitored and gauged through bubble activity.  From slow to fast they go, and once the bubble activity starts to slow again, its time to drank.

You can bottle while it is still fermenting, but this takes skill and care that I am not qualified to comment on, as it can lead to explosions (remember, fermentation = carbon dioxide).

Or, you can just dip in a glass and drink away.  If you don't mind piss warm beer that is.








As I've said before, fermentation gives you the opportunity to get creative.

I'm sure you'll do just fine...

So, as the Tarahumara say, Bosasa!  

Meaning, "Fill up, be satisfied, be contended".

Homemade Pickles

Homemade Pickles

Well, I finally got off my ass and decided to make a batch of pickles at home, and I took some pretty pictures to share with you fine folks.  As I right this, the pickles have been fermenting for a few days already, so its too soon to talk results.  I'm going to do my first taste test after a week of fermenting, and will continue to do so for a few weeks after.  Once they reach that sweet spot I'm looking for, it'll be off to the refrigerator to halt the process....if there's any pickles left after my taste testing that is.

In an earlier post I discussed that there are two ways of making pickles.  The first being an infusion of cucumbers into a mixture of vinegar, water, salt and spices.  This is NOT fermentation, as the acid of the vinegar will prevent any bacteria from becoming active, which is part of why vinegar is such a powerful preservation tool.  This is a "quick" pickling method that can yield tastiness, but it will not have the nutritional and complex flavor benefits of a fermented batch.

Our friend, Mr. Lactobacillus.

The second and "real" way of making pickles is, you guessed it, fermentation.  This method is simply submerging the cucumbers in a brine of salt, water, and whatever spices and aromatics your heart and gut desires.  In lieu of vinegar, we will be relying on the ferment itself to provide the sour profile we associate with pickles.  Most vegetables already have the bacteria lactobacillus present on its surfaces.  By creating a suitable environment (salty water) for this bacteria, the bacteria will feed on the sugars present within the vegetables and convert it into lactic-acid, and that is where the sour comes from.  Lactic-acid bacteria, along with salt, will also prevent other bacteria, the bad guys, from waving their microbial dicks around.


Now let's talk salt.  Salt plays an important role in fermentation, and it's use is a topic that can be debated in a dank cellar with a bottle of whiskey and raised, bushy eyebrows.  In the case of pickles, salt's role in fermentation is two-fold: 1) to remove moisture from within the substrate (fancy talk for the item being fermented, in this case, cucumbers) via osmosis, thus aiding in preservation and crunchiness, and 2) to create an environment that favors lactic-acid bacteria (lactobacillus) and not harmful bacteria.


The amount of salt to use is a subjective question, and depends on the climate, and the final result you're looking for in a pickle.  During the heat of summer, more salt can be used to slow microbial activity, and vice-versa during the cold of winter.  You want a steady fermentation, not a fuck fest of bacteria painting the walls.  As far as flavor and texture goes, the more salt you use, the more sour and crunchy the pickle will be.

Salt used in a brine is usually measured as a percentage of weight proportional to the weight of the total solution.  For example, if we were using a total of 1lb of water for brine and wanted a 2% brine solution, we would use 0.32 ounces of salt (0.32 ounces is 2% of 16 ounces/1lb).  Most pickles have a brine percentage of about 2%-6%, but some pickle in a brine of up to 10%.  This is incredibly salty, and will usually require a soaking the final pickles in freshwater to desalinate the cucumbers.  Remember, osmosis works both ways.

Since most of us don't weigh our ingredients, here is a general salt rule with volume: for one quart of water, 1 tablespoon of sea salt will yield about a 2% brine, 2 tablespoons = about 4%, 3 tablespoons = about 5%, and so on.  I went with a 4% brine for this batch, and once it is done fermenting, I can see if that is a salt level that yields what I am looking for.  Next time I can use less or more, while considering climate conditions.

Long story short, you're gonna have to experiment to find that sweet spot.


Next comes the question of what vessel to ferment these in, which will also help decide how much brine you'll need.  I went with two 1 QT mason jars; I felt like they would be able to comfortable hold one large cucumber each.  Really you can use any kind of container to pickle, as long as its not metal; the salt and lactic-acid will react with the metal, leaving an undesirable taste.  Most common vessels are glass jars, food grade plastic buckets, and ceramic crocks.

What you have to keep in mind when choosing a vessel is how you are going to keep the cucumbers submerged in the brine.  Remember, the vegetable is going to have to be fully under the liquid for it to begin fermenting and not just spoiling due to oxygen.  Most common methods are placing a weight on top the cucumbers to hold them down, which is what I did with the use of some plastic ramekins, and then to cover the top with cheesecloth to keep out bugs and debris.

Keep in mind that you don't want to just seal the vessel with a lid; the fermentation process is going to release carbon-dioxide which is going to need to escape.  They make specialized air locks for just this, so you can spend the money if you want to.  Or you can get creative.

During the fermentation process, mold may grow on the surface. This can be due to a part of the cucumber poking up out of the brine during fermentation, or just because mold is mold and will grow where it can.  If this happens, don't freak out.  All you have to do is either scoop it out, or cut away the moldy part of the substrate.

This leads me to my final point: check on your ferment periodically.  Look at it, smell it, taste it.  It's going to be going for about 1-4 weeks (or longer), and things can happen.  So check them every day and see how they're doing. Pretend you run a day care and have to make sure everyone is playing nicely.  If it smells bad (you'll know), chances are that the fermentation may have gone south.  If there's mold, cut it away.  If it looks/smells like its going well, taste it.  This is the best way that you will get to know your process and see how it is doing.

So, now comes the fun part!  Below is a list of exactly what I used and how, along with some pictures...enjoy!

Everything ready to go.

Ingredients/Supplies

-2 large cucumbers (smaller ones work better but this is all I had)

-4 tablespoons sea salt

-7 garlic cloves

- 2 quarts water

- black pepper (to taste)

- red pepper flakes (to taste)

- fresh dill (to taste)

- 2 quart sized mason jars

- a large mixing bowl

- a whisk

- 2 ramekins that fit into the jars

- cheesecloth 

- rubber bands

Fresh garlic from my buddies farm.

Step 1: fabricate your cukes into havles, spears, chips, whatever!

Step 2:  Pack them into the mason jars.  Note:  you can help the cukes stay crunchier if you rub them with salt and let them sit for a day before pickling.  This will help draw out moisture.

Dill flowers from the dill plant that was growing in the backyard.

Step 3: Clean the garlic cloves, dump them into the jar.

Step 4: Pluck apart the dill, or shove them in whole.

Dill-icious.

Step 5: Crack in some black and red pepper flakes.

Step 6: Have a sip of beer.

Down they go...

Step 7: Combine 2 quarts water with 4 tablespoons sea salt in the bowl.  Whisk with vigor until the salt is dissolved completely.  Note:  since the cumbers will be taking up a large majority of the jars, you'll have some brine left.  Save it for when you have a sore throat or a canker sore; gargling salt water helps.

And now...we wait.

Step 8: Pour in the brine until its just about an inch from the top.  

Step 9: Insert the ramekins, ensuring that they can be go deep enough to push down the cukes under the brine.  Make sure its not an air tight seal; the CO2 needs to be able to escape.

Step 10: Cheesecloth!  The tension of the rubber bands will hold down the cloth hard enough to prevent the pickles from pushing up the ramekins.

A few days later............

Here they are so far!  As you can see, it only takes a few days before the brine gets cloudy and cucumbers turn pickly.  And no mold!  The ramekins are working out great.  Smell wise....*sniiiiifffffff*....almost like a half-sour deli pickle!  Can't wait to see how it changes over the next week.

5 Fermented Foods Both We and Bacteria Love to Eat

The world of fermentation goes deeper than a banana down a strippers throat.  As such, there are many fermented foods I have not yet had the pleasure of trying, so this short list of mine may seem elementary in the eyes of seasoned connoisseurs; and it most certainly is!  Yet I find myself giving nary a fuck, and I am excited to share these fan-favorites' fermentational backgrounds with you, if ever you are there.


1.  Pickles  Crunchy.  Garlic-y.  Dill-y.  Sour.  Spicy.  Sexy.

Biting down into a good pickle is one of my top reasons to live.  Just ask the folks down at my local watering hole (Leaky Roof in SW Portland); they already know that my bitch ass wants extra pickle spears with anything I order, even if its just beer. That's right, pickles and beer.  Fuckin' Yumtown, population: my face.

Pickles submerged in brine.

There are generally two methods for pickling.

The first and easiest is infusing cucumbers (or any vegetable or fruit) item in a brine of water, vinegar, salt and whatever other spices and aromatics you want.  So for example, you could slice up some cukes and just let them soak in the brine from anything to a few days to a few weeks.  It is important to note that this "quick" pickling method means that there will be none of the nutritional benefits of a ferment, since there is no fermentation occurring.  And, even more discouraging, is that the complex and subtle flavors that result from fermentation will be absent...it's like comparing Vlasik pickles to the kind one would find in a New York style deli.

Fermented pickles also have NO vinegar added.  Just water, salt, and aromatics.  Crazy right?  Where does the sour come from?  From the fermentation!  The process of fermenting cucumbers in water and salt releases lactic-acid bacteria that is converted from bacteria already present on the surfaces of most vegetables.  I will go deeper into this microbial process in a later blog, not to mention a post on how to start your own pickle batch.



2.  Miso   Miso hungry...

Though considered Japanese, miso paste is believed to have originated in China and introduced to Japan in the early AD's.

Miso is essentially fermented soybeans, combined with other ingredients such as salt, rice, or barely.  In a nutshell, the soybeans are soaked until soft, mixed with salt, rice and/or barely, and left to ferment for as little as 4 months and up to 2 years!

The two most common forms of miso paste are white and red.  White miso tends to be sweeter and less saltier, a result of shorter fermentation and a higher percentage of rice.  The most common or mainstream use of white miso is probably miso soup, one of my favorite soups urverrrrr...  Then we have red miso, whose longer fermentation and use of barley and other grains gives it its darker, richer color.  As it's appearance would suggest, red miso has a more matured, salty umami taste than its fair skinned, cracker ass brother.  Red miso uses?  Think anything hearty.

You can also blend the two and get the best of both worlds.  Or you can light yourself on fire and jump out the nearest window.  Your life, your rules.



3.  Cheese  Cut it on my FACE.

Cheese.  Cheese cheese, cheese cheese cheese...cheese?  Cheese!  Cheese cheese-cheese, cheese cheese cheese, cheese?  Cheese.

Did you know that most cheeses include fermentation in their creation?  Cheddar, Havarti, Brie, Parmesan, Gorgonzola...the list goes longer than my reasons to never EVER have children.

Fermentation plays a role in both the beginning and ending phases of a cheesy birth.  Generally speaking, all cheese starts as milk from animals.  Cow, goat and sheep are the most common sources, but I'm sure rat or chimp milk would work just as well.

I will go into more detail about the cheese making process in another post (its neat stuff), but basically the milk is separated into curds (the fat, protein, and other physical elements of milk) and whey (the liquid part, which is mostly water) by gently heating the milk and introducing a lactic-acid bacteria.  The bacteria converts lactose (sugars in milk) into acid, thereby lowering the ph and allowing rennet (an enzyme derived

from young calf/lamb/kid stomachs) to be introduced, which coagulates the milk.  The remaining curds are then processed in a variety of ways, depending on what style of cheese it is to be.  Fermentation later plays a roll in the aging of many cheeses, where the almost finished cheese is allowed to host any number of types of bacteria, it all depends on what kind of cheese is being made.  For example, in Swiss cheese, the holes are developed by a bacteria that converts the lactic-acid into carbon dioxide.

Once the bacteria have had their way with the cheese and it has reached its stinky epitome of deliciousness, the fermentation process can be halted by refrigeration, keeping the cheese in its current state to be enjoyed as long as it will last.  Which in my case is not very long.

4.  Salami   Well-hung meats make a tasty treat...

Like many foods that we now consider delicacies, salami was created out of a need to survive by the have-nots.  Salami was a way for the poor to store a supply of meat, as fresh meat supplies would be rare or inconsistently available.  Henceforth, meat was fermented and cured and could be held indefinitely without need for refrigeration, not that it existed a thousand years ago anyways.

To make salami (again, generally speaking), meat and fat (usually pork) are ground together with salt (which in fermentation prevents harmful bacteria and mold from forming while allowing desirable bacteria to flourish), spices, sometimes sugar, and a starter culture to kick start the fermentation process.  The meaty-mix is then stuffed into casings, either synthetic or from animal intestines, and kept at a temperature of about 50-60 degrees with a humidity of about 80%.  This creates an environment where bacteria can convert sugars into lactic-acid, which both aids in flavor and preservation.  It is important to keep the environment humid so that the sausage will not dry on the outside before the inside is dry, thus trapping moisture within which can lead to harmful bacteria growth.

Salami, hung out to dry.

Once fermentation is complete and the sausage is properly dried, the casing becomes airtight and "waterproof", thus preventing the possibility of the meat spoiling.  Also, a layer of beneficial mold tends to grow on the outside of the skin during the cure process, which further protects the meat from spoilage.

Thanks to those poor schlubs back in the day, we get to enjoy this tasty, fatty, melt-in-you-mouth treat with wine, cheese, fruit and friends.  Unless you don't have any friends.


5.  Sourdough    Pickles?  Cheese?  Salami?  This is the only logical ending...

Bread is one of my favorite foods.  You can make sandwiches, fill them with soups and stews, or just tear pieces off and enjoy it with cheese and meats picnic style.  Either way, I'm already hungry, both for food and to finish up this post so I can shove a foot-long sandwich down my gullet.

Many breads rely on yeast to leaven (rise and puff up through fermentation), but sourdoughs are special in the way that they allowed to ferment longer with, along with other bacteria, lactobacillus, aka lactic-acid-bacteria.

Sourdough starter gettin' bubbly

Sourdoughs begin with a starter, who's purpose is that of leavening and flavoring the bread.  Water and flour are mixed with the appropriate yeast, and is allowed to sit and let fermentation work its magic with bacteria already present within the flour.  What is cool about starters is that they can be "fed" a continuous diet of water and flour, thus providing food for the yeast to continually convert starch into sugar, which in turn can be converted by bacteria into lactic acid, giving sourdough its sour taste.

A portion of the starter, once fermented for long enough, is then mixed with what will constitute the remainder of the dough and allowed to rise further before baking.  What is left of the starter can be fed once again, thus continuing the life of the start, or "mother".  Mother's have been known to been fed and kept "alive" for years, even decades, and passed down from generation to generation!  Neat-o!

Once baked, insert filling into bread, then insert into your face.

And now, I must part in order to do just that.