5 Fermented Foods Both We and Bacteria Love to Eat

The world of fermentation goes deeper than a banana down a strippers throat.  As such, there are many fermented foods I have not yet had the pleasure of trying, so this short list of mine may seem elementary in the eyes of seasoned connoisseurs; and it most certainly is!  Yet I find myself giving nary a fuck, and I am excited to share these fan-favorites' fermentational backgrounds with you, if ever you are there.


1.  Pickles  Crunchy.  Garlic-y.  Dill-y.  Sour.  Spicy.  Sexy.

Biting down into a good pickle is one of my top reasons to live.  Just ask the folks down at my local watering hole (Leaky Roof in SW Portland); they already know that my bitch ass wants extra pickle spears with anything I order, even if its just beer. That's right, pickles and beer.  Fuckin' Yumtown, population: my face.

Pickles submerged in brine.

There are generally two methods for pickling.

The first and easiest is infusing cucumbers (or any vegetable or fruit) item in a brine of water, vinegar, salt and whatever other spices and aromatics you want.  So for example, you could slice up some cukes and just let them soak in the brine from anything to a few days to a few weeks.  It is important to note that this "quick" pickling method means that there will be none of the nutritional benefits of a ferment, since there is no fermentation occurring.  And, even more discouraging, is that the complex and subtle flavors that result from fermentation will be absent...it's like comparing Vlasik pickles to the kind one would find in a New York style deli.

Fermented pickles also have NO vinegar added.  Just water, salt, and aromatics.  Crazy right?  Where does the sour come from?  From the fermentation!  The process of fermenting cucumbers in water and salt releases lactic-acid bacteria that is converted from bacteria already present on the surfaces of most vegetables.  I will go deeper into this microbial process in a later blog, not to mention a post on how to start your own pickle batch.



2.  Miso   Miso hungry...

Though considered Japanese, miso paste is believed to have originated in China and introduced to Japan in the early AD's.

Miso is essentially fermented soybeans, combined with other ingredients such as salt, rice, or barely.  In a nutshell, the soybeans are soaked until soft, mixed with salt, rice and/or barely, and left to ferment for as little as 4 months and up to 2 years!

The two most common forms of miso paste are white and red.  White miso tends to be sweeter and less saltier, a result of shorter fermentation and a higher percentage of rice.  The most common or mainstream use of white miso is probably miso soup, one of my favorite soups urverrrrr...  Then we have red miso, whose longer fermentation and use of barley and other grains gives it its darker, richer color.  As it's appearance would suggest, red miso has a more matured, salty umami taste than its fair skinned, cracker ass brother.  Red miso uses?  Think anything hearty.

You can also blend the two and get the best of both worlds.  Or you can light yourself on fire and jump out the nearest window.  Your life, your rules.



3.  Cheese  Cut it on my FACE.

Cheese.  Cheese cheese, cheese cheese cheese...cheese?  Cheese!  Cheese cheese-cheese, cheese cheese cheese, cheese?  Cheese.

Did you know that most cheeses include fermentation in their creation?  Cheddar, Havarti, Brie, Parmesan, Gorgonzola...the list goes longer than my reasons to never EVER have children.

Fermentation plays a role in both the beginning and ending phases of a cheesy birth.  Generally speaking, all cheese starts as milk from animals.  Cow, goat and sheep are the most common sources, but I'm sure rat or chimp milk would work just as well.

I will go into more detail about the cheese making process in another post (its neat stuff), but basically the milk is separated into curds (the fat, protein, and other physical elements of milk) and whey (the liquid part, which is mostly water) by gently heating the milk and introducing a lactic-acid bacteria.  The bacteria converts lactose (sugars in milk) into acid, thereby lowering the ph and allowing rennet (an enzyme derived

from young calf/lamb/kid stomachs) to be introduced, which coagulates the milk.  The remaining curds are then processed in a variety of ways, depending on what style of cheese it is to be.  Fermentation later plays a roll in the aging of many cheeses, where the almost finished cheese is allowed to host any number of types of bacteria, it all depends on what kind of cheese is being made.  For example, in Swiss cheese, the holes are developed by a bacteria that converts the lactic-acid into carbon dioxide.

Once the bacteria have had their way with the cheese and it has reached its stinky epitome of deliciousness, the fermentation process can be halted by refrigeration, keeping the cheese in its current state to be enjoyed as long as it will last.  Which in my case is not very long.

4.  Salami   Well-hung meats make a tasty treat...

Like many foods that we now consider delicacies, salami was created out of a need to survive by the have-nots.  Salami was a way for the poor to store a supply of meat, as fresh meat supplies would be rare or inconsistently available.  Henceforth, meat was fermented and cured and could be held indefinitely without need for refrigeration, not that it existed a thousand years ago anyways.

To make salami (again, generally speaking), meat and fat (usually pork) are ground together with salt (which in fermentation prevents harmful bacteria and mold from forming while allowing desirable bacteria to flourish), spices, sometimes sugar, and a starter culture to kick start the fermentation process.  The meaty-mix is then stuffed into casings, either synthetic or from animal intestines, and kept at a temperature of about 50-60 degrees with a humidity of about 80%.  This creates an environment where bacteria can convert sugars into lactic-acid, which both aids in flavor and preservation.  It is important to keep the environment humid so that the sausage will not dry on the outside before the inside is dry, thus trapping moisture within which can lead to harmful bacteria growth.

Salami, hung out to dry.

Once fermentation is complete and the sausage is properly dried, the casing becomes airtight and "waterproof", thus preventing the possibility of the meat spoiling.  Also, a layer of beneficial mold tends to grow on the outside of the skin during the cure process, which further protects the meat from spoilage.

Thanks to those poor schlubs back in the day, we get to enjoy this tasty, fatty, melt-in-you-mouth treat with wine, cheese, fruit and friends.  Unless you don't have any friends.


5.  Sourdough    Pickles?  Cheese?  Salami?  This is the only logical ending...

Bread is one of my favorite foods.  You can make sandwiches, fill them with soups and stews, or just tear pieces off and enjoy it with cheese and meats picnic style.  Either way, I'm already hungry, both for food and to finish up this post so I can shove a foot-long sandwich down my gullet.

Many breads rely on yeast to leaven (rise and puff up through fermentation), but sourdoughs are special in the way that they allowed to ferment longer with, along with other bacteria, lactobacillus, aka lactic-acid-bacteria.

Sourdough starter gettin' bubbly

Sourdoughs begin with a starter, who's purpose is that of leavening and flavoring the bread.  Water and flour are mixed with the appropriate yeast, and is allowed to sit and let fermentation work its magic with bacteria already present within the flour.  What is cool about starters is that they can be "fed" a continuous diet of water and flour, thus providing food for the yeast to continually convert starch into sugar, which in turn can be converted by bacteria into lactic acid, giving sourdough its sour taste.

A portion of the starter, once fermented for long enough, is then mixed with what will constitute the remainder of the dough and allowed to rise further before baking.  What is left of the starter can be fed once again, thus continuing the life of the start, or "mother".  Mother's have been known to been fed and kept "alive" for years, even decades, and passed down from generation to generation!  Neat-o!

Once baked, insert filling into bread, then insert into your face.

And now, I must part in order to do just that.